Mooventures

“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” – Marianne Williamson

Recently, I’ve had several conversations with friends about experiencing “pockets of joy.” The phrase itself was new to me until I heard my friend use it, but I understand what it means – finding moments (pockets) of time when you feel true joy.  I was trying to figure out how to distinguish between feeling happy and having joy, so I went to the one place that helps me define things: the dictionary.  Merriam-Webster defines happy as ‘favored by luck or fortune’ and defines joy as ‘a feeling of great happiness.’ For me, joy is something much deeper than just being happy – it’s a space that allows you to be completely free.  I think that sometimes there is a misconception of where joy comes from – like it has to be the result of a big, extravagant event or moment.  But I know for me, not only do these pockets of joy come when I least expect them, they are usually found in the simple, quiet moments. I think this is part of what distinguishes times of happiness from experiences of joy.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to really cherish the simpler things like quality time with friends and appreciating the beauty of nature, and it’s been in those moments that I have found pockets of joy.

Since the marathon bombings, I can say that I’ve had some happy moments, but I also have to admit that I have not been able to experience many pockets of joy.  It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, but circumstances have made it significantly harder to have that feeling. I was fortunate to stumble upon some pockets over the summer – watching July 4^th fireworks with some friends in LA, learning from incredible ahimsakas in Nashville, and being with incredible people in DC.  Sometimes the joy has been fleeting, but it was there and I remember it.  And the memories of these moments has been what’s helped me get through the more challenging emotional roller coaster of the last 5 months.

I feel fortunate to have just experienced one incredible pocket of joy last weekend.  A dear friend from college who lives on the west coast was in Boston for an event. The honest truth is that I wasn’t anticipating getting to spend any time with him since he had so much going on.  As it turns out, I was gifted with a ‘pocket of joy’ while he was here. I got to spend some much-needed time chatting, hanging out, and enjoyed just being with him.  When it came time for him to head back to the west coast, while I was sad to say good-bye, I felt incredibly grateful and happy that I was able to have the time I did with him. 

Unfortunately, later that same day, I had an experience that occurred under some very unusual circumstances, and as a result, I felt like that feeling of joy was taken from me faster than it took for me to acquire it. I was frustrated, angry and crushed that I had such a great weekend, and then that joyful feeling was gone in a blink.  I was sharing with some other friends my frustrations around the unfortunate experience and how it made me feel, and I got an email from one who wrote and asked me, “Do you think you could recall what made your weekend so great? Or more importantly, what it FELT like to be happy?”  The email went on to share about the idea of “marking moments of happy as you come across them during the day,” which is something I hope to create into a habit. So I started this practice by answering her first questions about what made the weekend so great. Here are some things that stood out to me:

One thing I appreciated about time with my friend was the fact that neither of us were in a rush – as he said, “I’m not going anywhere,” and just knowing that I wasn’t under any time constraint was freeing.  I didn’t feel like I was being squeezed in between some other things he had to get to – I felt like he made the choice to hang out with me, and he was okay with it.  A second thing that is highlighted in my mind is that we were both present and very much not distracted by anything – even the constant frenzy of our phones was put to the side so we could actually listen to and hear each other.  Knowing that what I had to say was being heard was a powerful and meaningful thing for me.  The third thing that stood out to me was the fact that we were in the same physical place. I have been blessed with friends who live literally all over the world, and while it is exciting, nothing can replace being in the same physical space as a friend.  Living on opposite coasts makes this a challenge for us, so it was a gift to actually see him while we were talking and hanging out. All three of these things – not feeling rushed, not being distracted, and being in the same physical space –put together were what created this incredible pocket of joy. And I’m grateful for the email from my friend who asked those questions, because upon reflection, I was able to claim that joy back.

Another friend of mine said, “I think you have to recognize that you also provided some joy for him too.  Somewhere else, he is having a conversation with someone or is reflecting on how great it was to be able to spend time with you.” I never considered it from that perspective before.  I was so grateful for what a gift he had given me, that I never weighed the possibility that I could do the same thing for someone else.  After taking that into account, I realized that I want to be able to give joy to others as well, and that helped me reframe looking at joy.

One last thought about this pocket of joy from last weekend.  There were some photos posted on various social media outlets during my west coast friend’s big event.  The interesting part is I had multiple people say to me that they could see the joy on my face from photos that were posted.  They spoke about how my face, my smile, how I carried myself looked different because the joy I was experiencing was coming through in the photos.  In reflecting on these comments that were made to me, I think it’s all linked to the elements I mentioned before about what made the weekend so joyful.  But most importantly, it’s being in the same physical space that even made those photos possible. I am grateful to have those photos as a way to mark the moments of happiness and help me remember what the joy felt like.

I came across this image a few days ago and I think it precisely sums up what I need to do, in order to be able to experience more joy. I hope that you will all join me on life’s journey – things are always better when you can do them with others.

I have intentionally avoided writing about the bombings and what happened to our friend Martin on this blog, because I know many of my students read this, and many of those students are Martin’s friends and classmates. I guess I’ve been trying to avoid any more sad feelings for any of you – I wanted to give you time and space to process things on your own without me saying anything.  I did receive an email last week though, in which someone wrote, “Miss Moo, how come you never talk about Martin? I keep waiting for you to say something about him. You’re always telling us to talk about how we’re feeling, but you stopped doing that with us.” When I read those words the first time, I literally couldn’t take my eyes off them. I realized that it was true…that maybe I wasn’t being completely honest because I wanted to guard you from feeling anymore sadness than necessary.

The truth is, not one day goes by that I haven’t thought about Martin – not one single day. Whenever I see a Pedroia shirt or a Bruins jersey, I think of him. When I run past the Savin Hill baseball fields or the flag football field, I think of Martin.  When I run past his house or NHCS, I think of him.  And sometimes – a lot of times – thoughts of him just pop into my head. And I miss him. A lot.  And when I think of him, I think of all of my ahimsakas. Which means I think about all of you as much as I think about him…every single day. 

When I think about all of you, I remember how you all wanted to become true ahimsakas and use peace to help “be the change” that Gandhi talked about. As I think about all of you, some new friends I met in August now come to mind. We met at conference (like a big meeting) in Nashville, and everyone there were organizers and activistst from all over the country, who are trying to bring justice to everyone who doesn’t have it, but they will only do it using nonviolence.  They too, are ahimsakas, striving for peace and justice, and remembering that loving others is the only way that we can be the change we want to see in the world.  When I think about Martin – and all of you – I think about these new friends of mine, because I think you would enjoy hearing about all of the ways they are trying to make the world a better place…they want to leave a place better than they found it. This is something I know was really important to Martin, and so when I miss him, I remember my friends around the country who are carrying out exactly what he would be doing if he was here.

I’m including a photo of the peace rally we held outside of city hall, so that my new friends can see who you all are.  And I’m also including a photo of the friends I met in Nashville so you can see their faces.  I hope one day you will be fortunate enough to cross paths. The community of ahimsakas is growing, and together we can carry Martin’s message of “No More Hurting People. Peace.”

Yes, I realize this is a day late, but I wasn’t compelled to write until today. Yesterday was spent plugging “State of Grace” by Natural. (Please see yesterday’s post for more info.)

The tragedy of 9/11 has never really completely left my mind, nor do I expect it to. The events from that day are forever etched into my mind with such detail, it’s almost frightening. Like most people, I don’t like talking about it, because it’s hard to re-live and process all the emotions that go along with it. While I know several people who were lucky enough to not be affected, I do know several people who died, including a few people from my high school.  I remember the nightmare of trying to locate my dad, knowing his company was on one of the top floors of the second building. I remember instantly being brought back to the bombing of ’93 when we waited literally ALL DAY before we heard word that my dad had made it out safely – after walking down 103 stories in the dark as part of  human chain.  9/11 is a day I will never forget. This year though…remembering it this year feels different. I think it’s because I’m still processing the marathon bombings…it’s only been 5 months. What happened on April 15, 2013 directly impacted me on a personal level – more so than 9/11. But remembering the aftermath of September 11, 2001 feels more somber this year.

Yesterday I read a lot of posts of people’s reflections from that day 12 years ago…and the feelings remain quite fresh for some. The students that were in my class that day are now seniors in high school. I am fortunate to still be in touch with a good number of them. Whenever I hear from one of them, I remember 9/11 because that day forever changed me as a teacher.  I remember being outside on the blacktop, not knowing anything had happened, and suddenly seeing and hearing fighter jets fly overhead. As my kids stopped playing and we all looked up to watch them, I wouldn’t understand the significance behind those jets for a few more minutes.  Looking back, I wish the innocence and genuine excitement behind their viewing of the jets could have lasted for forever. “Look how fast they’re going, Miss Moo!”  I remember watching them for the next several months as they “played” out the tragic events in their own way. In the block area they would build two towers of blocks and then take toy planes and have them crash into the towers. Their drawings and writing had similar themes and I remember being heartbroken thinking that this was real scenario for them – that growing up this would be a defining moment of their childhood. 

I also can’t think about 9/11 without recognizing that the ultimate outcome of all of this madness was war. I have never been a supporter of war, but my study of nonviolence over the last several years has given me a deeper understanding as to why war – or any act of violence – is never the answer.  My hope is that somehow, some way, we can begin the journey of healing, and that along the way, we will all experience some peace.

This was a rare summer of me staying stateside. I know, I know…I was gone for 6 months, so it make sense to stay put for a while, but I have to say it was VERY strange to be in Boston for the summer.  Fortunately, I had plenty of out-of-town visitors which made the summer so much better!

My first visitor was the fabulous Brenna Graham. Brenna and I go way back to middle school. She currently lives in Baltimore and is now teaching second grade (the best grade ever!!). Her visit brought us up to Rockport for a day – first time for both of us!

The next visitor was my friend CJ who is a Boston native but left us for brighter days in northern California. While I am extremely happy for his new adventures on the west coast, there is definitely a void in the Bean.

And then the Fiasco crew hit town!!! I love this family! Becky and I started swimming on the same club team when I was in fourth grade and we have tons of memories to draw upon from the decades of friendship. Despite swimming for colleges in different conferences, we still managed to see each other at various meets. Ralph and Becky had 3 amazing daughters: Kendall (9), Lexi (8) and Toryn (1.5). We had a great time touring some historical sites and we managed to get to a Sox game. This visit was a highlight of the summer for me!

The next visitor was a huge bonus for me. Back in summer of 2011, I attended the Ahimsa Center Summer Institute at Cal Poly, Pomona. Even more so than the Northeastern Summer Institute this past summer, it was an experience that literally changed me.  Part of what made it so influential were the people I was studying with during my time there. Kristy Smith is one of those educators I had the privilege to learn with and from, and this summer she was in Boston at Tufts University, attending the Fletcher Summer Institute run by the ICNC (International Center on Nonviolent Conflict). That’s a long explanation to say that Kristy – who lives in Oakland – was in Boston!! I was happy to grab some time with her during her busy week!!

A few weeks later, Ranjan and Amanda came up from NYC. Ranjan and I went to high school together and we have reconnected over the last few years. We all hit SOWA for the first time!

And the final visitors of the summer…my family! That’s right – the whole entire Moo Tang Clan (including the Mini-Moos) came to Boston for the first time ever! The timing worked out that we were all able to be together for my mom’s birthday. I took way more photos than I think anyone but me should have to sit through, but here are some highlights.

Thanks to all of my out of town visitors who made summer 2013 a memorable one! And for those reading who are inspired to come visit, just let me know when!!

In July, I attended a week-long summer institute as part of my program at Northeastern. It was 5-days of being in class from 8:00am-5:00pm with 45 other students that formed our cohort.  This whole summer institute had a reputation that proceeded it.  I kept hearing things from “It’s the longest week you’ll ever live – good luck!” to “It’s so much fun!” to “You’ll have to stay up till midnight to keep up with all the work!” So, needless to say, I was nervous before it even started – too many unknown factors to anticipate. One thing that was making it less anxiety-provoking, is one of my friends from the program, Nichole, was staying with me for the institute. Given the early start time of class each day, it made the most sense for her to just crash with me. So that first morning wasn’t too bad since everything’s better when you have a friend with you.

I won’t bore you with too many nitty-gritty details, but I will say that Summer Institute definitely made me feel better about I’m on the path I’m on.  I literally walked away from a full-fledged career to go back to grad school in a completely different field.  I felt like I’ve had to defend my choices to several people – including some I would call friends. Since I came back in January, I’ve been trying to get people to understand the mission I’m on, but when I was at Summer Institute in July, it was the first time I didn’t feel like I had to explain what I wanted to do. Instead, I was prompted to think not about being in the sports industry, but what kind of leader I’m going to be in the field.  A lot of this challenge came from the instructors for the week, Peter Roby (Athletic Director at Northeastern University) and Robert Prior (full-time faculty for the Master of Sports Leadership Program at Northeastern University). The classes/lectures were designed to have us examine current issues in sport and society and provide the opportunity to consider how our personal leadership skills and assumptions can offer solutions for change.  We discussed the areas of equity, creation of organizational culture, the sport media, and the influence of money in sport. One of the most influential comments made by Roby during the week, was when he said, “The question is, do you have values of conviction or values of convenience?” As soon as he asked this question, suddenly everyone was sitting up in their seats and looking around, realizing that we all needed to examine ourselves before we answered. The second thing that stood out to me that week was when Roby said, “Culture is created by shared experience, but it is the leader who initiates this process by imposing his or her beliefs, values, and assumptions at the outset.” He shared this to have us think about what kind of culture we’re going establish as we become leaders in sport, but I think he also showed this by example throughout the week.  He was the leader who helped create the culture for our shared experience throughout the week.

The last comment I’ll make about Summer Institute is that the week revealed the importance of the people you choose to surround yourself with. I went into the week knowing maybe 10-12 people who were in classes on Boston’s campus throughout the winter and spring quarters. I came out of the week with a small army of new comrades who left me inspired to go forth and be a leader in the sports world.  It really is true what they say – that if you surround yourself with like-minded people who are after the same thing you are, your energy and inspiration will increase greatly.  It was a long week of lecture, projects, writing, and thinking, but we all came out as closer classmates and better people on the other side of it.  I know that I am motivated to keep after what I want to do, and that there is a group of people who will help get me there. And for that, I am grateful.

I recently received from emails from a few of my former students and I realized I never took time on this blog to update everyone on what I’ve been up to. So this post is really for all of my students – its dedicated to you.  While I returned to Boston a little over 8 months ago, life has continued to take me on all kinds of adventures. The most pressing question I want to answer is from my former students.  Most of you have been asking me what I’m doing and if I’m ever coming back to NHCS.  I’ll answer the first question first.  I am now a student as well – I am going to grad school at Northeastern University, right here in Boston. (Christopher Conroy…I’m an official Huskies ice hockey fan!) I’m learning all about the sports industry – from how athletes make it to professional status, to how stadiums are built and how much money it costs…I’m learning about advertising sports through commercials and magazines, and how coaches and teams are bought and sold. It’s all very fascinating and I’m learning a lot.  I’m also working as a soccer coach with a program called HappyFeet. I work with other coaches and teach kids ages 2-6 how to play soccer.  It’s a lot of fun and while I don’t get to see all of YOU everyday, I’m happy I get to see kids everyday.  So school and coaching keep me quite busy.  Now, as for the question many of you keep asking me over and over again if I’ll be returning to NHCS. Right now, the answer is no.  I can’t say I will never return, but it’s not in the plans for a little while. I will be in school at least until May 2014 to finish this degree, and I’m also hoping to coach more and more with HappyFeet.  I know it’s been a while, but if you think back to our meeting when I announced to you all that I wasn’t returning to NHCS, I think you’ll remember that I said I wasn’t coming back because I had a lot of learning I still need to do.  Just like you go to school and do homework and learn new things everyday, I’m doing the same thing. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to teach more future ahimsakas just like you, and use sports as a way to do that.  As I said during my winter visit, even though I won’t be there everyday, if you let me know when your games, recitals, field trips, or school events are, I can try and make them.  If you’re doing something special for Town Meeting, I’ll try and come to that as well.

I have so much more to share, but I will close this post here. You can respond on the blog or you can email me (teachermoo2@gmail.com) anytime. Miss you all a lot, and I hope the beginning of fourth grade is going well!!!